he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
