Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
