Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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