I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
