we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
