So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Welp...herpes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize