..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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