i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
