You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
