I heard we made out
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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