i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
