You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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