I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
