i barfeds in our rink
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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