is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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