I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
