explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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