Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
