it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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