R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
