Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize