Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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