My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
