Three words: puerto rican gang bang
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
