I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
