I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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