So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
