So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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