Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
