I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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