got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
