Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
