we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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