I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
