this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
