I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize