Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
