So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
