Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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