it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
