you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
NoShamevember. You game?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
