thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
