Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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