you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
