I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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