I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
