Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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