Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
