I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
