You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
