she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
