Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
