i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
