so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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