I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
