And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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