I wish you could order shots online.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
