Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
