dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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