Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
