yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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