just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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