they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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