I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
